Saturday, December 16, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Ministers act to wean Scotland off £55m-a-year antidepressant habit
LYNDSAY MOSS HEALTH CORRESPONDENT
DOCTORS issued more than 3.5 million prescriptions for antidepressants in Scotland last year, three times what they were handing out 13 years ago, official figures have revealed.
A huge increase in the number of people seeking help for depression, combined with a shortage of alternative therapies, is blamed for the massive increase in the issuing of drugs such as Prozac.
Scotland spends 40 per cent more per head of population on antidepressants compared to the rest of the UK, costing the NHS £55 million a year.
Ministers are so concerned about the situation that they have launched a campaign to offer alternative treatments in an attempt to limit, and eventually to reverse, the trend.
The rise in prescriptions is dramatic. According to Scottish Executive figures, in 1992-3, Scottish GPs issued 1.16 million prescriptions, costing just £12.28 million. By last year, this had risen to 3.52 million prescriptions.
Dr Andrew McCulloch, chief executive of the Mental Health Foundation, said a likely explanation for the increase in prescriptions was that more people were seeking help from their doctor, rather than that Scotland was becoming a more depressed country.
But he said the lack of alternative treatments was also driving the trend. "Even where GPs do not want to prescribe antidepressants they are forced to reach for the prescription pad because there may be long waits for therapies such as counselling," Dr McCulloch said.
"These drugs are not effective in mild depression but if it is a choice between that and a ten-month wait to see a therapist, doctors don't feel they have any other option. Ten months is a lifetime if you are living with depression."
He welcomed the target to halt increases in antidepressant prescribing, but said other services must be delivered.
Ruth Lang, information officer at Depression Alliance Scotland said: "In many cases there are just not enough counsellors to treat people without drugs. GPs are in a no-win situation because they can't refer patients for counselling but can't not treat them either."
Ms Lang said doctors were already starting to use different treatments for depression, such as exercise programmes. But antidepressants should still be available for those who benefit from them.
"We would support reducing antidepressant prescribing but only if other services are in place," she said.
Yesterday's Executive report, Delivering for Mental Health, includes 14 commitments to improve services, including providing more access to psychological therapies, funded to the tune of £2.5 million. It pledged to halt the rise in antidepressant prescriptions by 2009-10.
The report said the target was not a criticism of existing practice or of the drugs, but it "reflects the need to ensure that GPs are able to call on and offer the best treatment for these illnesses and not just the most convenient".
Ministers also pledged to reduce the number of mental health patients having to be readmitted to hospital by 10 per cent by the end of 2009, by providing more support for people at home.
The health minister, Lewis Macdonald, said the mental health of young people was also a priority, and that everyone working with children would have basic mental health training by 2008.
He said the Executive was also committed to halving the number of children who have to be admitted to mental health beds set aside for adults by 2009.
Dr Tom Brown, chair of the Royal College of Psychiatrists in Scotland, backed the report. Dr Nanette Milne, Scottish Conservative health spokeswoman, said the Executive's intentions were good, but more needed to be done.
The SNP also welcomed moves towards a wider range of mental health services.
DOCTORS issued more than 3.5 million prescriptions for antidepressants in Scotland last year, three times what they were handing out 13 years ago, official figures have revealed.
A huge increase in the number of people seeking help for depression, combined with a shortage of alternative therapies, is blamed for the massive increase in the issuing of drugs such as Prozac.
Scotland spends 40 per cent more per head of population on antidepressants compared to the rest of the UK, costing the NHS £55 million a year.
Ministers are so concerned about the situation that they have launched a campaign to offer alternative treatments in an attempt to limit, and eventually to reverse, the trend.
The rise in prescriptions is dramatic. According to Scottish Executive figures, in 1992-3, Scottish GPs issued 1.16 million prescriptions, costing just £12.28 million. By last year, this had risen to 3.52 million prescriptions.
Dr Andrew McCulloch, chief executive of the Mental Health Foundation, said a likely explanation for the increase in prescriptions was that more people were seeking help from their doctor, rather than that Scotland was becoming a more depressed country.
But he said the lack of alternative treatments was also driving the trend. "Even where GPs do not want to prescribe antidepressants they are forced to reach for the prescription pad because there may be long waits for therapies such as counselling," Dr McCulloch said.
"These drugs are not effective in mild depression but if it is a choice between that and a ten-month wait to see a therapist, doctors don't feel they have any other option. Ten months is a lifetime if you are living with depression."
He welcomed the target to halt increases in antidepressant prescribing, but said other services must be delivered.
Ruth Lang, information officer at Depression Alliance Scotland said: "In many cases there are just not enough counsellors to treat people without drugs. GPs are in a no-win situation because they can't refer patients for counselling but can't not treat them either."
Ms Lang said doctors were already starting to use different treatments for depression, such as exercise programmes. But antidepressants should still be available for those who benefit from them.
"We would support reducing antidepressant prescribing but only if other services are in place," she said.
Yesterday's Executive report, Delivering for Mental Health, includes 14 commitments to improve services, including providing more access to psychological therapies, funded to the tune of £2.5 million. It pledged to halt the rise in antidepressant prescriptions by 2009-10.
The report said the target was not a criticism of existing practice or of the drugs, but it "reflects the need to ensure that GPs are able to call on and offer the best treatment for these illnesses and not just the most convenient".
Ministers also pledged to reduce the number of mental health patients having to be readmitted to hospital by 10 per cent by the end of 2009, by providing more support for people at home.
The health minister, Lewis Macdonald, said the mental health of young people was also a priority, and that everyone working with children would have basic mental health training by 2008.
He said the Executive was also committed to halving the number of children who have to be admitted to mental health beds set aside for adults by 2009.
Dr Tom Brown, chair of the Royal College of Psychiatrists in Scotland, backed the report. Dr Nanette Milne, Scottish Conservative health spokeswoman, said the Executive's intentions were good, but more needed to be done.
The SNP also welcomed moves towards a wider range of mental health services.
Pill Popping Culture
IN 2005, the House of Commons health committee accused drug companies of fostering a pill-popping culture under which medicines were used to resolve every problem - but especially mild depression.
In a report, the MPs said the pharmaceutical industry was acting as a "disease-monger", classing as many people as possible as "abnormal" and therefore in need of drugs.
"This process has led to an unhealthy over-reliance on, and over-use of, medicines. It also diverts resources and priorities from more significant diseases and health problems," the committee said.
A great deal of this was because patients complaining of mild depression were increasingly being prescribed anti-depressants, rather than being made aware that "unhappiness is part of the spectrum of human experience, not a medical condition".
The MPs said: "Inappropriate prescription of medicines by GPs is of particular concern." Some doctors had prescribed anti-depressants on a grand scale, many of them linked with high rates of suicide.
This article: http://news.scotsman.com/health.cfm?id=1808152006
In a report, the MPs said the pharmaceutical industry was acting as a "disease-monger", classing as many people as possible as "abnormal" and therefore in need of drugs.
"This process has led to an unhealthy over-reliance on, and over-use of, medicines. It also diverts resources and priorities from more significant diseases and health problems," the committee said.
A great deal of this was because patients complaining of mild depression were increasingly being prescribed anti-depressants, rather than being made aware that "unhappiness is part of the spectrum of human experience, not a medical condition".
The MPs said: "Inappropriate prescription of medicines by GPs is of particular concern." Some doctors had prescribed anti-depressants on a grand scale, many of them linked with high rates of suicide.
This article: http://news.scotsman.com/health.cfm?id=1808152006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Say YES!!!! Stop HIDING
This is for all you people who always wonder whether to go for things in your life that you are unsure o the outcome. You CAN say Yes and you CAN take the leap, all you need to do is have some faith in yourself and take a chance. That chance may be scary, it may be un real, it may be something that you dont think you can control but you WILL be in control, and you will be able to have faith in yourself. Forget about the things that have happened in your life that have made you shyaway from having the confidance in yourself to do something different.You might have said No in the past but take a look out of the box, see what your missing and take that chance and say YES!!!!!!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
BACK
Hey Everyone this is just a quick one to say that I am back and that I will now put some up dated stuff on here. France was good and I will be back in action very soon...
Hope your all doing well and that you are keeping the tough times in control and not loosing yourelf.
Love Ales
Hope your all doing well and that you are keeping the tough times in control and not loosing yourelf.
Love Ales
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Natalie!
Prayer...Just for you hunny...to let you know I care....Please READ IT!
Dear Lord, I pray that you will shine down on Natalie, that you will keep her safe and that you will guide her through the road she is on and show her that she has purpose on this earth and her plan is there...I pray that she can trust in you lord to take her pain away and that she looks to you for support and guidence, that she finds strength in your light...I pray God that you will keep her safe and away from satan, that you will allow her to follow you and not the twisted road that satan wants to take her, I pray that Jesus you will be walking with her where ever she goes and that you will keep her safe, Holy spirit please warm her heart and show her from the inside that life is for living and that there alot of things that she has yet done, that will bring her joy and peace...
God I pray that you can lift her spirit and that Natalie will not feel the need to commit suicide and that she can bring herself to talk to someone outside of the internet, Lord I know that this may be hard for her but i believe that you can bring peace and the love she needs to her that will make her understand that she needs to get help and that we are all there for her while she is suffering but please give her strength to speak to someone, to get the help that she needs to make the road to recovery.
Lord I also pray that you can provide strength to Natalie as she battles with her self harm and that you can show her that it is not what she needs to do...Lord I pray that Natalie finds peace and the support she needs...I pray that she can find the ability in her to talk to college and not to worry about her parents...Lord I know you wish to have everyone under your guide and I pray that Natalie will not follow satan and choose to get help.
Thank you lord
Amen
Monday, March 20, 2006
Going to France
Well the time has come for me to give a weeks warning...As this time next week I will be in france sleeping in a tent, freezing my but off...and away from my family...and in need of some serious rest...however im not going there for a holiday, I am going to go there to work for the next 7 months and it is a long time I know but i hope to get to my emails alot and to maybe keep up to date here too.....
Ok well if you can read this map....I am sending the first three months in Paris and then the next four months in Nante...........
This next picture is of a girl doing kids club in our sexy uniform....
This is my tent...massive....it is slightly different for me as we get three bedrooms not two....cause we dont need the living space as we get a whole empty tent for that.
Ok well if you can read this map....I am sending the first three months in Paris and then the next four months in Nante...........
This next picture is of a girl doing kids club in our sexy uniform....
This is my tent...massive....it is slightly different for me as we get three bedrooms not two....cause we dont need the living space as we get a whole empty tent for that.
It should be seven months of fun and I cant wait but at the same time I still worry about my health....
Keep in touch email me....leave posts I will try and get in touch with you all....
Love Me xx
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Who Am I? How Am I?
This picture above is a picture of me mixed with an angel, and someone who is hurt...
I suffer and have suffered for too long from depression....docotrs dont give you enough time to open up...10minutes is not long enough...I cant tell them everything in that ammount of time
Spike Milligan knows what he is talking about in that quote...depressed peole are exactly as he describes...or for me it is...may not for you I dont know.....
I always feel that noone care when I feel depressed but I know if I come online then I will find a friend...There are so many people in the world that suffer from depression and if you suffer from it then you are not alone...never feel like you are not wanted cause you are...I know that it can be hard to see that when you are so low...I know that because I have been there...I dont like it but it is something that we all feel....I never feel loved or cared for but i know that there are people who do...ask for help and you will find a world that you never knew...
The smile behind the depression.....the angels are there...they are with you where ever you walk so you know that your not alone....even through the dark times you are being watched and you are being helpped...it will feel like you dont see that and I again can say i know that....I turn from everything rather than turning to it....
Take care in what ever you do....please look for help....join a yahoo forum for advice from others who are going through the same thing as you are....they will help you and give you support and advice...I know....Ive found that out...i know there are people who care...I know that even though I dont see it very often...
Call a hotline for help
Call a friend for a chat
Listen to music
Write a journal
Do some drawings
Do something that will put a smile on your face and lift your spirits.
Take Care and Keep Safe Always
xx
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Just a little note!
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received.Forget about the rude remarks.
So............If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone.
And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received.Forget about the rude remarks.
So............If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone.
And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Life is worth living
Life is worth living, God cares for you stay strong and stay safe.
Today, Yesterday, Tomorrow, Who cares for me?
Long road to walk, forever long and winding,
Where do I turn?
Where do I look, the sky is so bleak,
The world is so torn.
While I sleep, I am awake,
While I am awake, My body is asleep,
My mind has gone,
My feelings broken,
Who Cares for me now.
Who Loves me for who I am?
I am not the person I once was. I have changed
Who changed me?
Why did all these horrible things happen to me?
No one was there.
No one cared.
Someone far away,
Someone not so far away,
He is there
He is with you,
He has always been with you,
Through the rough,
Through the smiles and laughs,
Through the tears and the fear
He has made you stronger
Do not look back
For it is today you need to worry about
Tomorrow is another day
He will still be with you
He wants to help you
Look to the only man in the world
Who will take care of you
No questions asked
Look to him
Accept him
The Lord God is there he is your one and only
Amen
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Today, Yesterday, Tomorrow, Who cares for me?
Long road to walk, forever long and winding,
Where do I turn?
Where do I look, the sky is so bleak,
The world is so torn.
While I sleep, I am awake,
While I am awake, My body is asleep,
My mind has gone,
My feelings broken,
Who Cares for me now.
Who Loves me for who I am?
I am not the person I once was. I have changed
Who changed me?
Why did all these horrible things happen to me?
No one was there.
No one cared.
Someone far away,
Someone not so far away,
He is there
He is with you,
He has always been with you,
Through the rough,
Through the smiles and laughs,
Through the tears and the fear
He has made you stronger
Do not look back
For it is today you need to worry about
Tomorrow is another day
He will still be with you
He wants to help you
Look to the only man in the world
Who will take care of you
No questions asked
Look to him
Accept him
The Lord God is there he is your one and only
Amen
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Friday, February 24, 2006
High Above the World
This is the view from the top the hill which my village is perched on....
I climbed up it the other day when I was feeling really crap....I took my dog for a walk and took some pics...Feels like your on top of the world and that nothing matters, there isnt a care in the world...
I love the hills, I love the free time, I love the fact that I can climb it any time, in any weather, I can sit at the top and look over the world, I can see the freedom, I can feel the wind, I can watch everyone below being busy, I can see my world that I have left behind, the one that I need to be free from the one in which I dont belong...I know that it is somewhere far away that I belong...why is it that I am not there???? What did I do to deserve this????What can I do to chage it???Where do I belong???? Can you help???? I want to help! But do I really help??
I climbed up it the other day when I was feeling really crap....I took my dog for a walk and took some pics...Feels like your on top of the world and that nothing matters, there isnt a care in the world...
I love the hills, I love the free time, I love the fact that I can climb it any time, in any weather, I can sit at the top and look over the world, I can see the freedom, I can feel the wind, I can watch everyone below being busy, I can see my world that I have left behind, the one that I need to be free from the one in which I dont belong...I know that it is somewhere far away that I belong...why is it that I am not there???? What did I do to deserve this????What can I do to chage it???Where do I belong???? Can you help???? I want to help! But do I really help??Tuesday, February 21, 2006
This past week!!!!
Newcastle
I started my week off in Newcastle on the east coast of England...Where I once went to University... I went to stay with my mates I lived with...They are great mates as they helped me alot while I was at university...They helped me with the depression and through the roughest days with my self harm...It was really hard...I havent seen them since I started cutting more than I was when I lived with them...
While I was there the girls all work full time...and another is still at university, so she was stressing over a project that she was late with...It was cool though because it was the half term holidays so another mate that visited us loads while i lived there...it was really cool to catch up with her...
We got drunk together and she asked me about my self harm...she was worried her sister was doing it so wanted to understand why I did it and things...She said it helpped but I was worried I just worried her more...
It was really cool....
Liverpool
On sat I went to see Ryan Adams in concert...he was amazing for those who dont know him...google him and check out his gold album...worth a listen...chilled out acoustic music...Better than James Blunt and Jack Johnson...lol...
Then Sunday oh dear........I went out from 12pm till 12am....drank for 12 hours...how bad is that??????? well for me...very...I am so stupid...I am drinking far to much I never even had a hangover...which is a sign that im drinking far to much....even mixed my drinks to check my self out... HOW MUCH WILL KILL ME??????
GGGGRRRRR!!!!
Apart from the fact I drank I had a wicked holiday....
Tomorow I get a tattoo...on my foot...then have to go back to that place I call work...the joys...
Hope you have all been keeping safe
Take care
(((((((HUGS)))))))
IM BACK!!
This is a quick post just to say that i am back from my holiday...I will post later on when I have finally got my coat off....And eaten as I have been driving for 5 hours and shattered...IT WAS SNOWING too....ONLY IN GLASGOW....where is the snow in east eh??????
Take care ya'll
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Take care ya'll
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Watcing
Hey Guys just to say there may not be anything posted for about a week, as I finaly have a week off work...MADNESS!!! I have not had a week off since june last year. One day makes a difference but a week makes it feel so much better.I am a bit worried though as im visiting friends who think I have stoped self harming and I dont think i will be able to hide it from them...but i dont want to let them down either...Im scared of what they will say which is a little dawnting...
A few payers on my front....
Take care all and please keep safe x x x x
Monday, February 13, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
SCARED!
I hate my life tonight is a rubbish night....i have hated every flaming minute of work...i am sick to the death of trying to make everyone else happy. I hate they way they think i am meant to be ok and that im young i have no worries....i have my whole life ahead of me...im not depressed...i couldnt sleep all day...well guess what guys you are wrong...i could sleep for 24hours if you would let me...If i didnt have to get up for work i would sooooooooo sleep all day....my mum and dad would kill me for it but i would do it.
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM...THE PAIN INSIDE IS TOO MUCH...I CANT GO ON!!!!
GOD PLEASE HELP ME I NEED HELP SOOOOO MUCH, I AM LOST AND LONELY, I SCARE MYSELF, I HURT OTHER PEOPLE, I DONT WANT TO, I NEED YOU TO HEAL ME, I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME, I KNOW YOU DO BUT I NEED TO FEEL IT, GOD PLEASE HELP, PLEASE BE WITH ME, PLEASE HELP OTHERS, OTHERS WHO ARE LOST, SCARES, LONELY AND IN PAIN.
AMEN.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Happy Birthday!
Yesterday was my grandads 70th birthday...RIP
Dead!...Killed...
Too many years have gone by
I am lost and lonely
I am scared and shattered
Do you know who I am?
I dont know who I am!
Where do I turn
The bottle is there...
The pills are there...
Smoke yourself silly...
Turn away
Cry
Help
Die
SORRY...!!!!!
Dead!...Killed...
Too many years have gone by
I am lost and lonely
I am scared and shattered
Do you know who I am?
I dont know who I am!
Where do I turn
The bottle is there...
The pills are there...
Smoke yourself silly...
Turn away
Cry
Help
Die
SORRY...!!!!!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Sharon Osborne
You would think that some one as famous as Sharon Osborne would have the time of her life. But she not only had colon Cancer but she has suffered with Bulimia the whole of her adult life!
The loud-mouthed ‘X Factor’ judge said: I’m not really over the food problem. I am way obsessed and it shouldn’t be like that. I am too old for that sort of rubbish.
Am I still a bulimic? I’m working on it.
She has also had therapy as she believes to be a Bad mother. I wish I had a mum like her. She is a strong willed person that I look up too alot. Through everything Sharon is still around today.
She told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper: "I still have bulimia, Ozzy knows and the kids - my God, how could they not. It's the thing that causes most arguments.
"We'll be at the dinner table and I'll go off and they'll say, 'Oh, here we go again.' They hate it."
The 52-year-old also revealed she had her stomach stapled in the hope it would help her beat the potentially-fatal illness, which she has battled for all of her adult life.
She added: "I've tried to stop it. I thought when I got my stomach done, it would cure it. It hasn't. It just means I can't eat as much. I still binge. If I'm under stress, I hit the biscuits and the crisps and the bread.
"I cram it in - eat, eat, eat - until I physically can't get any more into my body. The food is piled up to my throat.
"Then I have to be sick. I don't even have to make myself sick. It's automatic."
"Some people do drink and drugs, but for me it's food, food, food. It's about having low self-esteem," Sharon explains.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill stands head and shoulders above any other politician of this century. He earned the right to be called 'statesman'. He saw the Nazi threat for what it was, and rallied an exhausted British populace to keep resisting. And yet, through all of these things, he also suffered from depression. How did he manage? How could a man with a disease that makes getting out of bed nearly impossible stand up to the force that was blacking out the world? There is no question that Winston Churchill had extraordinary strength, but he was by no means super-human. Working for the common good helped him win his daily battles with depression.
Churchill's depression showed itself most prominently when he suffered political setbacks. During WWI, he was made a scapegoat for the failed attack on the German stronghold of the Dardanelles. As a result of the naval defeat and subsequent political fallout, Churchill lost his cabinet position as Lord of the Admiralty. While war raged through Europe, Churchill was rendered powerless to do anything about it. "At the moment when every fiber of my being was inflamed to action, I was forced to remain a spectator of the tragedy, placed cruelly in a front seat." His wife later commented on how deeply the setback affected Churchill, saying, "I thought he would die of grief."
The key to his successes lay not his being somehow better than the rest of the population, but in the era in which he lived. His political acumen allowed him to see the dangerous precipice on which history was balanced during WWII. The fall of Britain would have meant a disastrously different future for the world. Knowing that, Churchill could not let himself rest, could not allow himself to seem discouraged, no matter how discouraged he might have been. The entire nation was looking to him for resolve and strength.
His success then, was due to his realization that others depended upon him. Although he is known as one of the greatest statesmen who ever lived, his recurrent episodes of depression would certainly have taken a greater toll had he been in politics during times of peace when, rather than pulling together for the common good, politicians would have furthered their careers by engaging in the sort of personal attacks and scapegoating that so severely affected Churchill.
'We can get through this, we can live without depression.'
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp, a young actor well known for his past "bad boy" behavior, was born in Owensboro, Kentucky in 1963. In a 1999 Avantgarde interview Johnny said, "As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition too."
Even today he still has feelings of insecurity about himself. In 1999 he said, "My self-image it still isn't that alright. No matter how famous I am, no matter how many people go to see my movies, I still have the idea that I'm that pale no-hoper that I used to be. A pale no-hoper that happens to be a little lucky now. Tomorrow it'll be all over, then I'll have to go back to selling pens again."
During his teens he was drinking, smoking and doing drugs. There were episodes of petty theft and vandalism. He dropped out of high school at the age of sixteen so that he could concentrate on being a musician. He continued to have problems with drugs and drinking into his twenties.
Johnny has a series of seven or eight scars on his left forearm where he has cut himself with a knife on different occasions to commemorate various moments or rights of passage in his life.
In a Talk magazine interview he said, "It was really just whatever [times when he hurt himself]--good times, bad times, it didn't matter. It wasn't like 'Okay, this just happened, I have to go hack a piece of my flesh off.'" In a 1993 Details magazine interview Johnny explained his self-injury, "My body is a journal in a way. It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist." Johnny has several tattoos, such as the one that says 'Wino Forever' (used to be 'Winona Forever" when he was dating the famous actress, Winona Ryder).
Johnny Depp, has quit doing drugs and no longer drinks heavily.
In a 2001 Movie Star Magazine interview he talked about how he is currently the happiest he has ever been, "There were many years I was feeling at a loss about my life or how I grew up. I couldn't understand what is right or what is precious. At that time, I was so miserable and self-defeating.
I was feeling angry with various things. My anger came up to the surface then. I don't say such tendency has disappeared. Even now there are anger and the dark side in myself. But it's the first time I've been so close to the light."
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Princess Diana and Self harm
This is part of a transcript where Martin Bashir interviewed Princess Diana in November 1995 for panarama on BBC.
BASHIR: According to press reports, it was suggested that it was around this time things became so difficult that you actually tried to injure yourself.
DIANA: Mmm. When no one listens to you, or you feel no one's listening to you, all sorts of things start to happen.
For instance you have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside because you want help, but it's the wrong help you're asking for. People see it as crying wolf or attention-seeking, and they think because you're in the media all the time you've got enough attention, inverted commas.
But I was actually crying out because I wanted to get better in order to go forward and continue my duty and my role as wife, mother, Princess of Wales.
So yes, I did inflict upon myself. I didn't like myself, I was ashamed because I couldn't cope with the pressures.
BASHIR: What did you actually do?
DIANA: Well, I just hurt my arms and my legs; and I work in environments now where I see women doing similar things and I'm able to understand completely where they're coming from.
BASHIR: What was your husband's reaction to this, when you began to injure yourself in this way?
DIANA: Well, I didn't actually always do it in front of him. But obviously anyone who loves someone would be very concerned about it.
BASHIR: Did he understand what was behind the physical act of hurting yourself, do you think?
DIANA: No, but then not many people would have taken the time to see that.
BASHIR: Were you able to admit that you were in fact unwell, or did you feel compelled simply to carry on performing as the Princess of Wales?
DIANA: I felt compelled to perform. Well, when I say perform, I was compelled to go out and do my engagements and not let people down and support them and love them.
And in a way by being out in public they supported me, although they weren't aware just how much healing they were giving me, and it carried me through.
BASHIR: But did you feel that you had to maintain the public image of a successful Princess of Wales?
DIANA: Yes I did, yes I did.
BASHIR: The depression was resolved, as you say, but it was subsequently reported that you suffered bulimia. Is that true?
DIANA: Yes, I did. I had bulimia for a number of years. And that's like a secret disease.
You inflict it upon yourself because your self-esteem is at a low ebb, and you don't think you're worthy or valuable. You fill your stomach up four or five times a day - some do it more - and it gives you a feeling of comfort.
It's like having a pair of arms around you, but it's temporarily, temporary. Then you're disgusted at the bloatedness of your stomach, and then you bring it all up again.
And it's a repetitive pattern which is very destructive to yourself.
BASHIR: How often would you do that on a daily basis?
DIANA: Depends on the pressures going on. If I'd been on what I call an awayday, or I'd been up part of the country all day, I'd come home feeling pretty empty, because my engagements at that time would be to do with people dying, people very sick, people's marriage problems, and I'd come home and it would be very difficult to know how to comfort myself having been comforting lots of other people, so it would be a regular pattern to jump into the fridge.
It was a symptom of what was going on in my marriage.
I was crying out for help, but giving the wrong signals, and people were using my bulimia as a coat on a hanger: they decided that was the problem - Diana was unstable.
BASHIR: Instead of looking behind the symptom at the cause.
DIANA: Uh,uh.
BASHIR: What was the cause?
DIANA: The cause was the situation where my husband and I had to keep everything together because we didn't want to disappoint the public, and yet obviously there was a lot of anxiety going on within our four walls.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/politics97/diana/panorama.html
http://www.mindpub.com/art275.htm
A few months prior to her death, Princess Diana confessed that the strain of her marriage had caused her to throw herself down the staircase and cut herself with razors, penknives, and lemon cutters. Why would a princess, who was admired by the whole world for her beauty, grace and compassion, turn upon herself and assault her body in this manner? .
The Princess felt that an act of self-injury is a cry for help. This view is confirmed by many self-injurers. They feel that blood is the voice of their pain, pain that they find hard to express in words. Blood is a "bright red scream," as one self-injurer told author Marilee Strong. She gave that title to her book about self-injurers, A Bright Red Scream. Princess Diana's disclosure has brought attention to this secretive disease.
It is easy to dismiss self-injurers as manipulators and attention seekers but understanding their motive and pain is most challenging. An even harder task is coming up with an alternative behavior so they can release their tension in a harmless manner.
It is estimated that more than half of self-injurers are abused or neglected as children. Therefore, as children they have felt unwanted and unlovable. They did not or could not form good peer relations. Some were habitually teased and ridiculed by their peers, thus increasing their isolation in school and at home. They had felt lonely as children. Sometime during the teen years, at the height of their anger towards their own self and others, beset with negative self-worth, deep despair, and hopelessness, they decided to injure themselves. In order to avoid enduring those painful feelings, they preferred to inflict physical pain upon themselves.
Some experts who have treated self-injurers believe that when they learn to take responsibility for and control over their actions, they can discover respect and love for themselves. In the words of a treated self-injurer, "I feel I have a choice not to do this (injure self). And I have a choice now to let myself feel."
Even famous people feel lost, scared, and alone, which leads them to suffer in silence.
If your lost, lonely, scared, feel pain and have no one to share it with please dont suffer in silence!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Trust
Sorry i havent posted in a few days, been a bit slack. I have been working so much it is crazy, and like most if i didnt need the money I wouldnt be doing it!
So the past few days have been a little crazy. I had a staff party on sunday and the so called guy who was ment to be my friend ignored me the whole night. It annoyed me as I had oppened up to him and told him alot about my life that I dont tend to tell people because all they seem to do is run away from me and of course thats not what makes a friend at all. I see a friend as someone who will accept you for who you are and be there when you need them, not judge you and they dont care what you have done, they care about you now and they will stick by you no matter what.
But on sunday he wouldnt even look at me. It is not good for me as I get to the feeling of not being accepted and he just said he would help to shut me up. So I have a few drinks and then a few more OH I forgot to say...I had a few before i even got there. NOT good for my liver. So i have a few more drinks and dance a little...having a great time. BUT one of my work mates turns round asks if im ok and thats it i clench my fist and break into tears...all i want to do is to cut my arm...i want to break my glass and cut....I was so angry for letting him care and finding out that he didnt really care.
So she sits with me and says its ok...i said no its not cause right now all i want to do is cut and im so annoyed for letting myself think he cared. She was so nice and sat with me till i calmed down. Then my other boss sat with me a while and then went of and gave him a peice of her mind. MAN he got a mouth full!
Still annoyed me that he wouldnt talk to me. But now people at work know about my cutting and about my depression and I dont know if it was the right thing to do but i was drunk and depressed and would have done anything that night...all over trusting someone who didnt care.
I know have to work with them all and feel very silly about what happened and about telling them about my cutting. I know that they care cause they always did when I was stressed and stuff and work.
Im sure I will sort things out...only have six weeks left of work anyway then off to france!
Take care today, Take care tomorrow, Take it slowly and enjoy it always!
Monday, January 23, 2006
My eyes are dim...I can not see!
What have you done to me?
My head is spinning
Why did you do this?
My mind is weak
Where do I go?
My hands are shaking
When will it stop?
My feet are stamping
What will happen?
When I see you I dont know what to say
You told you would be there
And said that you cared
But all you do is listen
Run when things dont go your way
Why have you played with my emotions?
What did I do to you?
All i wanted was you to talk to me
You said that you would
I know that you wont
What have you done to me?
My head is spinning
Why did you do this?
My mind is weak
Where do I go?
My hands are shaking
When will it stop?
My feet are stamping
What will happen?
When I see you I dont know what to say
You told you would be there
And said that you cared
But all you do is listen
Run when things dont go your way
Why have you played with my emotions?
What did I do to you?
All i wanted was you to talk to me
You said that you would
I know that you wont
Thursday, January 19, 2006
RANT!!!
Some times I try to trust people and you think 'YES' this is it...I trust him I will tell him and then you think, 'How stupid are you to think that the person you want to trust actually likes you?'
I feel lost and used and I feel like I can never trust anyone. Guys just screw up my head.
'I will be there for you!'
'I want to be with you not run from you!'
I just screw my life up and everyday I feel like I do it a little more each day too, so there never seems any point in waking up the next day. I always think that nobody would really care even if I didnt wake up. I have just been put here to suffer...WHY?????
Maybe one day I will feel better!
GGGGRRRRRR, sorry for the moaning but Im ok really!
Monday, January 16, 2006
STOP SMOKING!!!!
I have been thinking lately alot about smoking! How it is an addiction and how I feel right now and I would so much like to start it up again. I work in a Hotel where my managers smoke and at least 7/10 of the bar staff smoke as well. I am the only one in our group that doesnt smoke at the minute. It is crazy and very hard. I used to smoke when I was 12 till I was about 17 but i would still and have smoked one or two cigs on a night out.This last week I have been so stressed through work and through whats going on in my head that I have very nearly taken it up again.
It is hard to be at work when others are smoking and it is hard for me since i used to smoke. I am in a weird place as my gran has lung problems from smoking and is on inhaillers and she is trying to stop so she can live a little longer. I dont want to really start again but when I was stressed the other day and couldnt drink caused i was driving i so wanted to smoke.
SMOKING BAN!!! In scotland on the 26th of March there will be NO smoking in public places, anywhere in scotland at all, pubs, clubs, shopping centres, cafes, any where...It will be so good, I know that I wont need to feel like I need a Cig then...but it is the now and the here that I am so needing to come over. It is bad I know.
This picture is what I would smoke most of the time right now. JOINTS
I find it easier to smoke dope and put my life to the back...There is so much pain in me that I cant deal with it... A joint makes it simple and takes my worries away. BUT only for a while.
Perhaps one day I will stop this and stop craving cigs themselfs and be able to see my world through open, clear eyes, not hazed weery ones.
'dont worry about tommoro, for tomorow brings enough worries of its own, live for today.'
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Falling Heart!
I wish life was easy but it isnt...poeple come in and out of your life at a click of a finger. I have been so confused about my relationships with guys at the minute...it cracks me up...when you think u are never going to have anyone two come along at oncce and then your stuck in the middle and soooooo lost and confused and i always feel as if they play mind games with me...
I wish men would make there mind up. I wish I could see what they really thought about me. I never see myself beening with anyone, cause all I do is hurt them... My past haunts me...I can never be true to myself or to them...it doesn't help me to feel great about being in relationship with anyone.
Someone I thought was a friend locked me in his car and raped me. I had been at a party and had been drinking and blame myself for what happened. I shouldnt of got in the car with him...i shouldnt have been drinking...i should have just spoke to him infront of everyone...i should have screamed louder...i should of hit him...but i couldnt move...I dont see how i could have got up...i couldnt move..,he was to strong for me...i was weak...i was numb and all i did was cry...i cried and cried and cried and didnt know who to talk to or what to do...it was my fault..
BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT, I DIDNT DESERVE IT
I am loved and i do have people who care for me, but i always found it hard to believe.
I pray that I can get through this every day, I pray that people who have been through rape find the strength and the courage to step out of the darkness and fear and find that people care for them and will and want to help them. I pray that God sends his angels to protect them and me and that God is there through our struggles. Thank You God. Amen
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