Life is worth living

Life is worth living, God cares for you stay strong and stay safe.


Today, Yesterday, Tomorrow, Who cares for me?
Long road to walk, forever long and winding,
Where do I turn?
Where do I look, the sky is so bleak,
The world is so torn.

While I sleep, I am awake,
While I am awake, My body is asleep,
My mind has gone,
My feelings broken,
Who Cares for me now.
Who Loves me for who I am?

I am not the person I once was. I have changed
Who changed me?
Why did all these horrible things happen to me?
No one was there.
No one cared.

Someone far away,
Someone not so far away,
He is there
He is with you,
He has always been with you,
Through the rough,
Through the smiles and laughs,
Through the tears and the fear

He has made you stronger
Do not look back
For it is today you need to worry about
Tomorrow is another day
He will still be with you
He wants to help you

Look to the only man in the world
Who will take care of you
No questions asked
Look to him
Accept him
The Lord God is there he is your one and only

Amen








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High Above the World

This is the view from the top the hill which my village is perched on....




I climbed up it the other day when I was feeling really crap....I took my dog for a walk and took some pics...Feels like your on top of the world and that nothing matters, there isnt a care in the world...

I love the hills, I love the free time, I love the fact that I can climb it any time, in any weather, I can sit at the top and look over the world, I can see the freedom, I can feel the wind, I can watch everyone below being busy, I can see my world that I have left behind, the one that I need to be free from the one in which I dont belong...I know that it is somewhere far away that I belong...why is it that I am not there???? What did I do to deserve this????What can I do to chage it???Where do I belong???? Can you help???? I want to help! But do I really help??

This past week!!!!

Newcastle


I started my week off in Newcastle on the east coast of England...Where I once went to University... I went to stay with my mates I lived with...They are great mates as they helped me alot while I was at university...They helped me with the depression and through the roughest days with my self harm...It was really hard...I havent seen them since I started cutting more than I was when I lived with them...

While I was there the girls all work full time...and another is still at university, so she was stressing over a project that she was late with...It was cool though because it was the half term holidays so another mate that visited us loads while i lived there...it was really cool to catch up with her...

We got drunk together and she asked me about my self harm...she was worried her sister was doing it so wanted to understand why I did it and things...She said it helpped but I was worried I just worried her more...

It was really cool....


Liverpool

On sat I went to see Ryan Adams in concert...he was amazing for those who dont know him...google him and check out his gold album...worth a listen...chilled out acoustic music...Better than James Blunt and Jack Johnson...lol...

Then Sunday oh dear........I went out from 12pm till 12am....drank for 12 hours...how bad is that??????? well for me...very...I am so stupid...I am drinking far to much I never even had a hangover...which is a sign that im drinking far to much....even mixed my drinks to check my self out... HOW MUCH WILL KILL ME??????

GGGGRRRRR!!!!

Apart from the fact I drank I had a wicked holiday....


Tomorow I get a tattoo...on my foot...then have to go back to that place I call work...the joys...

Hope you have all been keeping safe

Take care

(((((((HUGS)))))))

IM BACK!!

This is a quick post just to say that i am back from my holiday...I will post later on when I have finally got my coat off....And eaten as I have been driving for 5 hours and shattered...IT WAS SNOWING too....ONLY IN GLASGOW....where is the snow in east eh??????

Take care ya'll

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Watcing

Hey Guys just to say there may not be anything posted for about a week, as I finaly have a week off work...MADNESS!!! I have not had a week off since june last year. One day makes a difference but a week makes it feel so much better.

I am a bit worried though as im visiting friends who think I have stoped self harming and I dont think i will be able to hide it from them...but i dont want to let them down either...Im scared of what they will say which is a little dawnting...

A few payers on my front....

Take care all and please keep safe x x x x

Do you cope???? Panic!

SCARED!

I hate my life tonight is a rubbish night....i have hated every flaming minute of work...i am sick to the death of trying to make everyone else happy. I hate they way they think i am meant to be ok and that im young i have no worries....i have my whole life ahead of me...im not depressed...i couldnt sleep all day...well guess what guys you are wrong...i could sleep for 24hours if you would let me...If i didnt have to get up for work i would sooooooooo sleep all day....my mum and dad would kill me for it but i would do it.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM...THE PAIN INSIDE IS TOO MUCH...I CANT GO ON!!!!

GOD PLEASE HELP ME I NEED HELP SOOOOO MUCH, I AM LOST AND LONELY, I SCARE MYSELF, I HURT OTHER PEOPLE, I DONT WANT TO, I NEED YOU TO HEAL ME, I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME, I KNOW YOU DO BUT I NEED TO FEEL IT, GOD PLEASE HELP, PLEASE BE WITH ME, PLEASE HELP OTHERS, OTHERS WHO ARE LOST, SCARES, LONELY AND IN PAIN.

AMEN.

Happy Birthday!

Yesterday was my grandads 70th birthday...RIP

Dead!...Killed...

Too many years have gone by

I am lost and lonely

I am scared and shattered

Do you know who I am?

I dont know who I am!

Where do I turn

The bottle is there...

The pills are there...

Smoke yourself silly...

Turn away

Cry

Help

Die

SORRY...!!!!!

Sharon Osborne

You would think that some one as famous as Sharon Osborne would have the time of her life. But she not only had colon Cancer but she has suffered with Bulimia the whole of her adult life!


The loud-mouthed ‘X Factor’ judge said: I’m not really over the food problem. I am way obsessed and it shouldn’t be like that. I am too old for that sort of rubbish.
Am I still a bulimic? I’m working on it.

She has also had therapy as she believes to be a Bad mother. I wish I had a mum like her. She is a strong willed person that I look up too alot. Through everything Sharon is still around today.



She told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper: "I still have bulimia, Ozzy knows and the kids - my God, how could they not. It's the thing that causes most arguments.

"We'll be at the dinner table and I'll go off and they'll say, 'Oh, here we go again.' They hate it."
The 52-year-old also revealed she had her stomach stapled in the hope it would help her beat the potentially-fatal illness, which she has battled for all of her adult life.

She added: "I've tried to stop it. I thought when I got my stomach done, it would cure it. It hasn't. It just means I can't eat as much. I still binge. If I'm under stress, I hit the biscuits and the crisps and the bread.

"I cram it in - eat, eat, eat - until I physically can't get any more into my body. The food is piled up to my throat.

"Then I have to be sick. I don't even have to make myself sick. It's automatic."

"Some people do drink and drugs, but for me it's food, food, food. It's about having low self-esteem," Sharon explains.

Winston Churchill

Winston Churchill stands head and shoulders above any other politician of this century. He earned the right to be called 'statesman'. He saw the Nazi threat for what it was, and rallied an exhausted British populace to keep resisting. And yet, through all of these things, he also suffered from depression. How did he manage? How could a man with a disease that makes getting out of bed nearly impossible stand up to the force that was blacking out the world? There is no question that Winston Churchill had extraordinary strength, but he was by no means super-human. Working for the common good helped him win his daily battles with depression.

Churchill's depression showed itself most prominently when he suffered political setbacks. During WWI, he was made a scapegoat for the failed attack on the German stronghold of the Dardanelles. As a result of the naval defeat and subsequent political fallout, Churchill lost his cabinet position as Lord of the Admiralty. While war raged through Europe, Churchill was rendered powerless to do anything about it. "At the moment when every fiber of my being was inflamed to action, I was forced to remain a spectator of the tragedy, placed cruelly in a front seat." His wife later commented on how deeply the setback affected Churchill, saying, "I thought he would die of grief."

The key to his successes lay not his being somehow better than the rest of the population, but in the era in which he lived. His political acumen allowed him to see the dangerous precipice on which history was balanced during WWII. The fall of Britain would have meant a disastrously different future for the world. Knowing that, Churchill could not let himself rest, could not allow himself to seem discouraged, no matter how discouraged he might have been. The entire nation was looking to him for resolve and strength.

His success then, was due to his realization that others depended upon him. Although he is known as one of the greatest statesmen who ever lived, his recurrent episodes of depression would certainly have taken a greater toll had he been in politics during times of peace when, rather than pulling together for the common good, politicians would have furthered their careers by engaging in the sort of personal attacks and scapegoating that so severely affected Churchill.


'We can get through this, we can live without depression.'

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp, a young actor well known for his past "bad boy" behavior, was born in Owensboro, Kentucky in 1963. In a 1999 Avantgarde interview Johnny said, "As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition too."

Even today he still has feelings of insecurity about himself. In 1999 he said, "My self-image it still isn't that alright. No matter how famous I am, no matter how many people go to see my movies, I still have the idea that I'm that pale no-hoper that I used to be. A pale no-hoper that happens to be a little lucky now. Tomorrow it'll be all over, then I'll have to go back to selling pens again."

During his teens he was drinking, smoking and doing drugs. There were episodes of petty theft and vandalism. He dropped out of high school at the age of sixteen so that he could concentrate on being a musician. He continued to have problems with drugs and drinking into his twenties.

Johnny has a series of seven or eight scars on his left forearm where he has cut himself with a knife on different occasions to commemorate various moments or rights of passage in his life.

In a Talk magazine interview he said, "It was really just whatever [times when he hurt himself]--good times, bad times, it didn't matter. It wasn't like 'Okay, this just happened, I have to go hack a piece of my flesh off.'" In a 1993 Details magazine interview Johnny explained his self-injury, "My body is a journal in a way. It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist." Johnny has several tattoos, such as the one that says 'Wino Forever' (used to be 'Winona Forever" when he was dating the famous actress, Winona Ryder).

Johnny Depp, has quit doing drugs and no longer drinks heavily.

In a 2001 Movie Star Magazine interview he talked about how he is currently the happiest he has ever been, "There were many years I was feeling at a loss about my life or how I grew up. I couldn't understand what is right or what is precious. At that time, I was so miserable and self-defeating.
I was feeling angry with various things. My anger came up to the surface then. I don't say such tendency has disappeared. Even now there are anger and the dark side in myself. But it's the first time I've been so close to the light."