This is part of a transcript where Martin Bashir interviewed Princess Diana in November 1995 for panarama on BBC.
BASHIR: According to press reports, it was suggested that it was around this time things became so difficult that you actually tried to injure yourself.
DIANA: Mmm. When no one listens to you, or you feel no one's listening to you, all sorts of things start to happen.
For instance you have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside because you want help, but it's the wrong help you're asking for. People see it as crying wolf or attention-seeking, and they think because you're in the media all the time you've got enough attention, inverted commas.
But I was actually crying out because I wanted to get better in order to go forward and continue my duty and my role as wife, mother, Princess of Wales.
So yes, I did inflict upon myself. I didn't like myself, I was ashamed because I couldn't cope with the pressures.
BASHIR: What did you actually do?
DIANA: Well, I just hurt my arms and my legs; and I work in environments now where I see women doing similar things and I'm able to understand completely where they're coming from.
BASHIR: What was your husband's reaction to this, when you began to injure yourself in this way?
DIANA: Well, I didn't actually always do it in front of him. But obviously anyone who loves someone would be very concerned about it.
BASHIR: Did he understand what was behind the physical act of hurting yourself, do you think?
DIANA: No, but then not many people would have taken the time to see that.
BASHIR: Were you able to admit that you were in fact unwell, or did you feel compelled simply to carry on performing as the Princess of Wales?
DIANA: I felt compelled to perform. Well, when I say perform, I was compelled to go out and do my engagements and not let people down and support them and love them.
And in a way by being out in public they supported me, although they weren't aware just how much healing they were giving me, and it carried me through.
BASHIR: But did you feel that you had to maintain the public image of a successful Princess of Wales?
DIANA: Yes I did, yes I did.
BASHIR: The depression was resolved, as you say, but it was subsequently reported that you suffered bulimia. Is that true?
DIANA: Yes, I did. I had bulimia for a number of years. And that's like a secret disease.
You inflict it upon yourself because your self-esteem is at a low ebb, and you don't think you're worthy or valuable. You fill your stomach up four or five times a day - some do it more - and it gives you a feeling of comfort.
It's like having a pair of arms around you, but it's temporarily, temporary. Then you're disgusted at the bloatedness of your stomach, and then you bring it all up again.
And it's a repetitive pattern which is very destructive to yourself.
BASHIR: How often would you do that on a daily basis?
DIANA: Depends on the pressures going on. If I'd been on what I call an awayday, or I'd been up part of the country all day, I'd come home feeling pretty empty, because my engagements at that time would be to do with people dying, people very sick, people's marriage problems, and I'd come home and it would be very difficult to know how to comfort myself having been comforting lots of other people, so it would be a regular pattern to jump into the fridge.
It was a symptom of what was going on in my marriage.
I was crying out for help, but giving the wrong signals, and people were using my bulimia as a coat on a hanger: they decided that was the problem - Diana was unstable.
BASHIR: Instead of looking behind the symptom at the cause.
DIANA: Uh,uh.
BASHIR: What was the cause?
DIANA: The cause was the situation where my husband and I had to keep everything together because we didn't want to disappoint the public, and yet obviously there was a lot of anxiety going on within our four walls.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/politics97/diana/panorama.html
http://www.mindpub.com/art275.htm
A few months prior to her death, Princess Diana confessed that the strain of her marriage had caused her to throw herself down the staircase and cut herself with razors, penknives, and lemon cutters. Why would a princess, who was admired by the whole world for her beauty, grace and compassion, turn upon herself and assault her body in this manner? .
The Princess felt that an act of self-injury is a cry for help. This view is confirmed by many self-injurers. They feel that blood is the voice of their pain, pain that they find hard to express in words. Blood is a "bright red scream," as one self-injurer told author Marilee Strong. She gave that title to her book about self-injurers, A Bright Red Scream. Princess Diana's disclosure has brought attention to this secretive disease.
It is easy to dismiss self-injurers as manipulators and attention seekers but understanding their motive and pain is most challenging. An even harder task is coming up with an alternative behavior so they can release their tension in a harmless manner.
It is estimated that more than half of self-injurers are abused or neglected as children. Therefore, as children they have felt unwanted and unlovable. They did not or could not form good peer relations. Some were habitually teased and ridiculed by their peers, thus increasing their isolation in school and at home. They had felt lonely as children. Sometime during the teen years, at the height of their anger towards their own self and others, beset with negative self-worth, deep despair, and hopelessness, they decided to injure themselves. In order to avoid enduring those painful feelings, they preferred to inflict physical pain upon themselves.
Some experts who have treated self-injurers believe that when they learn to take responsibility for and control over their actions, they can discover respect and love for themselves. In the words of a treated self-injurer, "I feel I have a choice not to do this (injure self). And I have a choice now to let myself feel."
Even famous people feel lost, scared, and alone, which leads them to suffer in silence.
If your lost, lonely, scared, feel pain and have no one to share it with please dont suffer in silence!
No comments:
Post a Comment