Stopping Self harm

I always ask myself WHY? I never understand why i do hurt myself. I cut my wirsts with knives, pins, scissors, razors, I drink to much every night. I take too many pills, I drive too fast. These are all things that im addicted to that cause me harm. I do all of them to help me deal with things that happened in my past. Its something I do to take my feelings of the past out on myself. As I allowed things to go to far. I lost someone and I was hurt by lots. I want to stop now and I am taking steps to do that but it is hard and every day is a struggle. I have finally gone to docs about it too. I hope that for the new year I can stop cutting and drinking.

Although my decision seem easy to stop I know that it isnt going to be easy. I know that it will take time and that I will have to let people help me. I want to stop self harming cause I know that eventualy the drink will harm my liver and I could need transplants and even die later on. I also want to stop cutting because I have had enough damage done to my body and I have scars that I will remember forever what I have done, why I did it and the people who hurt me.