Doctors

Man I had to wait twenty minutes to see my doctor this morning. I was begining to shake and could feel my heart pounding...not a nice feeling. I use to go the same doctors surgery for my theripst sessions...it was a long time ago but it still sticks with me.

When I was 16 I had to go see her for a while but she would ask me question after question and not let me answer and she would pressure me so much that i wouldnt answer...i never got a minute to think for myself. I was hurting and screaming inside but she didnt care she just wanted her lunch. She would look me up and down and I would feel like she didnt want me there. Maybe she felt like i was a waste of space and that there was no point listening to me. I never spoke to her because of the way she was with me.

I hate the surgery cause it makes me think of that time...panics me everytime.

So I eventually get seen and I go in. I dont know if she really remembers me or not but she seemed to care. 'Are you ok?'...seems like a silly question but i said yeah im ok. 'How are you feeling on the flouxetine?'...mmmmm 'I am alittle better but im still not feeling so good...i still cut and im thinking about pills all the time.', 'So she prescribes me two months of flouxetine and I have to go back. I hope that I can get through the rough times and come out of the other side.

All I want is to be the person I was at 15. Before everything seemed to go wrong. I just dont see it happening and I dont really see me getting any better. I just wish life was easy but i supose you need to deal with what life brings to you.

I hope that God can help me through it. I also hope that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.



'where theres a way theres a will...'